Meeting with Attorney

Last Wednesday we had our first meeting with our lawyer and the paralegal.  There are really only 2 lawyers in the state that specialize in adoption, and having talked with people at our pre-adoption seminar who use the other, I think we chose the right one.  He's very informative, knows what he's talking about (of course), is very honest, and also quite amusing.  He did make me tell him about myself rather than letting Sam do it, though I am apparently more interesting with my variety of hobbies... poor Sam.  We won't be dealing with him much, as his fees are more than twice as much as the paralegal/adoption specialist.  Pretty much all he told us was stuff we already knew either from the homestudy process or what the paralegal had told us beforehand.  One of the few things that we didn't know was how the birth fathers are handled legally.  If they don't know who the father is (or the birth mother won't say for one reason or another), there is a registry that they will put the information.  Then the father has up to 30 days after the child is born to claim the child.  The lawyer assured us that he could "count on one hand the times that has happened to them in 30 years of practicing", but we are still nervous about that.  It's a long time to get attached only to have the child taken away.  Also, we will likely spend a week in a hotel with the newborn wherever the child is born while we wait for paperwork and such.  This will mean catching a flight the second we know the child is being born (and flying with the necessary baby stuff, hence my concern about having to pay fees for checked luggage), as well as making hotel reservations... all very last-minute!  That's something we've never done before, I am so not a last-minute person.  It's funny how very different adopting a newborn is from giving birth to your own child.  I mean who flies with a week old baby?! 

The lawyer also showed us some profile books to give us an idea where to start.  It's like a scrapbook, but with a bit more writing telling the birth mom about ourselves, what we do, hobbies, people/animals in our lives, etc.  I've started working on it with the help of some Creative Memories software (much cheaper than hiring a professional or the lawyer to do it for us and it's tax deductible), and am  happy with the results so far.  We still need a few more pictures, but we are getting there.  Hard part will be sitting down (or rather getting Sam to) and writing the wording that goes on it.  He's the writer, I'm the artsy one.  :)  Fortunately (or unfortunately?), we have a bit of time to work on it, as we are still waiting for our background checks.  I check daily to see if they've charged us for the fingerprint part of it, and still nothing.  Just hoping they accept the fingerprints we sent in, as then we'd have to start that waiting process again!  The lawyer can't start the search for us until all our background checks are complete, and they have the completed home study (which is in limbo until those come back). 

The baby room is a continued work-in-progress.  I'm trying really hard to be minimal in what I buy, but at the same time I want it to look done and inviting enough in a picture in our profile to encourage potential birth moms to pick us!  The progress is slow on the mural, as it's been so hot and we don't AC the upstairs (it tends to be cool enough at night for sleeping).  That will all change when there's a baby up there, of course, but for now it's a lot cheaper to only AC the downstairs where we are during the day.  And a teaser pic:

 

Last visit DONE! We survived!

The social worker was at our house this morning for her final visit.  She walked around looking at each room (even the basement), and to her word did not peak in closets.  Good thing!  Apparently we have a lovely home, and she kept thanking us for cleaning it.  I'm a bit surprised that people don't always clean when she's coming.  The whole point is to make a good impression so our home study gets approved so we can adopt!  She was fascinated by my work room (the horse room) and the mini tack (I had some horses on display with tack on them so she could see what I do).  She also ooo'd and ahhh'd at the mural in the baby room, which isn't even close to being done yet, and looks forward to seeing it next time she comes to visit.  Hopefully that next visit will be post-adoption, and not to renew our home study.  She said that if we aren't matched within 12-15 months, we'll have to renew it.  Ugh! 

We did have a snag with the background check, as the paperwork that the agency sent us to fill out was apparently the wrong paperwork.  So after finding a time Sam could go during the day to get that paperwork notarized (for nothing), we waited half a month to get it sent back with the correct forms and had to do it all over again!  It's one of the things that takes the longest, so that was a bit disappointing.  We also talked to the lawyer, and they require us to get fingerprints taken and sent to the FBI for approval.  It's not required in NH, but some of the other states they deal with require it, so hopefully that doesn't take MONTHS to get back as well. 

Next step is to make an appointment with the lawyer to talk about what we are and are not OK with for potential matches, as well as talk about what they like to see in the profile.  Though we would have liked to have gotten that done sooner, we've been scrambling to make the house look as perfect as possible for the visit today, so have yet to get that done.  Sounds like we'll be waiting for multiple background checks anyway.

And although unrelated, I have been working on being gluten free for 2 1/2 weeks now.  I'm pretty convinced that gluten is my issue, as I've gone a week without having a single headache.  I'm still quite fatigued, but hopefully that will go away in time.  Also, I can now tell when I've accidentally had some gluten, and it's really frustrating how easily it happens.  I've been super careful, and still had 3 or 4 days last week where something I ate had gluten in it causing me to have horrible stomach aches.  I didn't think I was going to be that sensitive to it, and now I worry about ever eating at a restaurant.  I'm going to have to learn to speak up and be very specific with my orders, I guess.  At least the headaches seem to be gone, which was my worst symptom.

3 down, 1 to go!

I'm a little behind on updating, mostly because we've been so busy!  We've had to make an effort to spend some time together just Sam and I doing something other than work and adoption prep, which is new for us after Sam not having a job for 4 months.  No complaints on him having a job, but sometimes you just don't realize how time can fly by without that "us" time.  Sam and I have both had our solo home study appointments, and I survived mine.  Woo!  Well, we both survived, but I was the one nervous about it.  Not that we have anything to worry about, as the social worker assured me, but I still felt like I was not explaining myself well and saying stupid stuff.  Our last home study, the one that will actually be at our house, is scheduled for the 24th.  If only we'd finished our house prep, we could have had it this Friday!  Still so much to do, though.  At least we don't have to clean out the closets that much, as she promised she wouldn't look in those.  :) 

Thank you *SO MUCH* to everybody that's donated money and bought from our fundraiser pages!  Between my models sold and the money you all have helped us raise, we had enough to cover all of our pre-adoption expenses!  We've also recently received enough to cover most of the initial attorney retainer (I need to update the thermometer to the right to reflect that).  We still have quite a bit to raise, but it amazes me how when we needed it, the money was there.  We are now all paid up on pre-adoption expenses, have mailed in our notarized background checks, medical sheet filled out from our physicals, and are now just waiting on 1 birth certificate (come on Virginia *taps foot*), our proof of health insurance, and any outstanding references.  Time to start working on our "Dear expectant parent(s)" letter/profile and pick out our prettiest, most interesting pictures to include with it.  I'll be sure to update when everything is done and we are finally "EXPECTING"!

The homestudy continues...

The pre-adoption education seminar was very informative, and our first homestudy appointment went much easier than I expected.  Our social worker is awesome!  We already have our next two scheduled for the next two Fridays, and then we wait until all the paperwork is done to have the last at our house.  That's my gentle nudge to get moving on the more complicated packet.  We also got a list of more pre-adoption education we have to do, as well as a book we have to read. 

And for those who don't know, here's a link to our T-shirt Fundraiser:
http://www.adoptionbug.com/babystoddard/

Packet B!

    We have our first appointment for the homestudy on the 20th!  I'm excited, but nervous.  Everything is happening a bit quicker than expected.  We also managed to squeeze in on a pre-adoption education seminar for this Saturday, as the next one isn't until August.  It is a requirement for our homestudy, so nice to not have to hold things up for that.  Packet B includes medical statements (we both have to get physicals), proof of health insurance coverage, birth certificates, marriage license, 5 reference letters, and criminal background checks. 
    Yesterday I spent hours digging up grass and planting flowers, and now have a new appreciation for my Mom's garden.  Wow, am I sore!  I just hope the flowers survive.  Thanks to Sam's Dad lending me a projector, I spent Saturday sketching out Dr. Seuss all over the baby room walls.  It took about 12 hours with a break for lunch, but I got it done.  Now I have to go over it with a Sharpie, and then paint it all!  Pictures to come.  :)

Mother's Day

    Another Mother's Day survived.  That's a terrible way to speak of Mother's Day, I know.  We spent the day celebrating Grammy's birthday, which helped me forget about it in a way.  But it's hard to truly forget when everybody is discussing their kids, grand kids, and great grand kids.  I'm pretty sure everybody at the celebration was either a mother or a father but us.  Yes we are working on adopting a child, but it's still hard to forget the long road we have taken.  Not many people realize just how much we've gone through, which I realize is our own fault.  It's not something that is easily discussed in everyday conversation.
    I've heard a number of times in passing that now that we are trying to adopt I will get pregnant.  In our case, this is physically impossible.  Yes, I've managed to get pregnant once before (resulting in an early miscarriage), but that was after surgeries and much medical intervention for both of us.  We've now depleted our medical insurance coverage and then some, and we are out of frozen "supplies".  So no, I won't be getting pregnant.
    Are we really sure we want to go through all this?  Heck yes!  Five long years of trying, getting ill for long periods of time from fertility drugs, numerous surgeries, and watching our family age around us with the feeling that we are one day going to be alone and never know what it's like...  Just imagine your life, if you are a parent, without your kids.  Wouldn't you give up eating out, stop buying "stuff" you really don't need, sell your collectibles, eat PB&J for lunch every day, give up trips, make your food from scratch, craft handmade gifts for holidays, and goodness knows what else for your kids?  I'm tired about crying about that which can't happen, I'm ready to move on and forward to that which can!  It may be a long road, but the outcome is definitely worth the money and effort.

In other news... we should be hearing from the agency tomorrow to move forward with the home-study!  Hopefully it will be speedy process.  More to come as soon as we know more.  Our T-shirt fundraiser should be up by the end of the week!

Thanks Mom (& Dad!) for setting such great examples for us!  Love you all!

Application paperwork sent in!

   I thought the paperwork for buying a house was bad, but it pales in comparison to adoption paperwork!  We start off as rather private people, but it's really hard to be private with all the information we have to share.  Knowing that it's for a reason doesn't help the bitterness we feel that anybody who has working reproductive parts can have a child without exposing their whole life story, finances, get background checks, fingerprinting, etc.  The faster we get through all the mounds of paperwork, the sooner we can be "expecting", so it's rather exciting to mail in our first packet.  Now we wait to get matched with a social-worker for our 4 homestudy appointments!
    I get asked regularly, "Why is adoption so expensive?!"  Well there are many steps to the process, but the most expensive chunk is to cover the costs of the expectant mom.  If they don't have health insurance, we pay for doctors appointments and delivery costs.  They will likely need counseling for their tough decision and they will have legal fees for their side of the adoption.  We pay for it.  Are they out of work because of the pregnancy/delivery?  Do they need maternity clothes and living expenses?  Yup, we pay.  Add to that all the agency and attorney fees for our side of things, and it adds up!  Here's a breakdown: